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June 03, 2026
The Perineal > News

News

Kristi Noem Hospitalized after watching another Anti-ICE Protest - Kristi Noem Hsopital
June 18, 2025
Kristi Noem Hospitalized after watching another Anti-ICE Protest 
Politics
June 18, 2025

WASHINGTON, DC – Homeland Security issued a statement today confirming that Kristi Neom, the US Secretary of Homeland Security, was taken to the hospital today due to an allergic reaction. Noem, 53, heads the government agency with roughly 260,000 employees. She has many duties, including immigration enforcement and disaster response. The reason for the allergic…

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CEO Needing Kidney Expands PTO Policy- CEO Needing Kidney Expands PTO Policy
June 17, 2025
CEO Needing Kidney Expands PTO Policy
Economy
June 17, 2025

DENVER, Colorado – Days after learning he would require a kidney transplant, CEO Brent Mallory updated the company’s paid time off policy to allow employees to exchange blood, plasma, and select vital organs for additional vacation days. “This is about creating a culture of care,” said Mallory, 47, who just last month denied office manager…

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Iranian Officials Recruit at Harvard University
June 17, 2025
Iranian Officials Recruit at Harvard University
World
June 17, 2025

Cambridge, Massachusetts – University job fairs are an excellent way for students to find a new employer as they finish their school semester. The Atomic Energy Organization of Iran set up a booth to recruit nuclear engineers at Harvard University this past week. It is an unusual move by this military arm of the Iranian…

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Insomniacs Behind Every Morbius 2 Request
June 16, 2025
Insomniacs Behind Every Morbius 2 Request 
Entertainment
June 16, 2025

NORFOLK, Virginia – A scattering of Morbius 2 requests have made their way onto various social media platforms, leaving legit superhero fans angry at the individuals behind every Morbius 2 request, a bunch of insomniacs. “The first review I left was reported for inappropriate content,” said one insomniac who requested anonymity for safety reasons. “It…

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Connecticut Scholar Predicts Becoming King
June 16, 2025
Connecticut Scholar Predicts Becoming King
Politics
June 16, 2025

MANSFIELD, Connecticut – Alongside visions of civil unrest and political chaos, Peter Turchin, the scholar who predicted America’s breakdown, also foresaw himself donning a crown and ruling as king. “I was asleep and saw a land divided,” said Turchin, who mentioned for the first time that his predictions of growing political instability had originated from…

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Woman Leaves Laptop Open While Showering Intentionally- Woman Leaves Laptop Open While Showering Intentionally
June 13, 2025
Woman Leaves Laptop Open While Showering Intentionally
Local
June 13, 2025

Dinah Griffin has started leaving her laptop open while showering, hoping to entice an agent. “I angle the screen just right,” said Griffin, who has yet to receive any attention from a government surveillance agent. “Then I drop one strap of my tank top, gasp and put a piece of clear tape over my camera…

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Indian Man Survives Air Crash While on Toilet Seat
June 13, 2025
Indian Man Survives Air Crash While on Toilet Seat
World
June 13, 2025

AHMEDABAD, India – An Air India aircraft heading to London crashed soon after take-off last evening. The aircraft was engulfed in flames when it hit the ground. People on the ground and 240 of the 241 passengers perished in the tragic airplane crash. The accident is considered unique, with the miracle of a single survivor…

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Experts Now Confirm Hunter Biden Is Really a Lousy Artist
June 12, 2025
Experts Now Confirm Hunter Biden Is Really a Lousy Artist
Lifestyle
June 12, 2025

LOS ANGELES, California – Back when Joe Biden was president, Hunter Biden’s artwork was in high demand.  His stick figures often brought in six figures.  Many in the media presumed that was due to his artistic talent.  Now, however, hard times have befallen the former first son and he seems to have lost any skill…

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 President Trump to Tariff Canada’s Wildfire Smoke- President Trump to Tariff Canadas Wildfire Smoke
June 12, 2025
 President Trump to Tariff Canada’s Wildfire Smoke
Economy
June 12, 2025

BURLINGTON, Vermont – President Trump announced new tariffs today while visiting the tallest filing cabinet in the world in Burlington, Vermont. The new tariff will target Canada specifically due to the amount of smoke coming from our northern neighbor. President Trump was visibly irritated with the amount of smoke in the air during his speech…

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Man Finds Love With an AI- Man Finds Love With an AI
June 10, 2025
Man Finds Love With an AI
Local
June 10, 2025

DAYTON, Ohio – After a lifetime of achieving nothing and only being great at disappointing others, award-winning underachiever Gavin has done it again, this time, by getting into a relationship with a woman who doesn’t exist, Eva AI, who wasn’t even created by a top AI company. Gavin, 44, a master of mediocrity, has spent…

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Gov. Newsom Evades the FBI, Becomes an Illegal Immigrant in Mexico
June 10, 2025
Gov. Newsom Evades the FBI, Becomes an Illegal Immigrant in Mexico
Politics
June 10, 2025

LOS CABOS, Mexico – In a twist to the LA protests on illegal immigrants, California Governor Gavin Newsom became an illegal immigrant himself, in Mexico. The Governor escaped California through tunnels linking San Diego to Tijuana after the federal government issued an arrest order for the Governor due to his role in blocking the ICE…

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Bono Donates U2 Compact Disks to Children in Africa
June 10, 2025
Bono Donates U2 Compact Disks to Children in Africa
World
June 10, 2025

PANESKE, Nigeria – Bono, the lead singer of the popular band U2, traveled to Nigeria to provide support for children in need. He is famous for helping to promote various events that raise awareness about the conditions of people in many African communities, including malnutrition and poverty. For this event, he was distributing copies of…

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