Dinah Griffin has started leaving her laptop open while showering, hoping to entice an agent.

“I angle the screen just right,” said Griffin, who has yet to receive any attention from a government surveillance agent. “Then I drop one strap of my tank top, gasp and put a piece of clear tape over my camera so they think I’m hiding something.”

According to her, the blur gives off the impression she doesn’t want anyone watching her and is intended to keep them around. “I walk across the room in my birthday suit and hop into the shower. When I come out, I check if the webcam light has turned on, but it’s always off.”

Griffin, who admits to clicking every suspicious link in her inbox in hopes of enticing someone to remotely access her camera, says she’s done everything short of hiring a hacker herself just to be part of the surveilled crew.

“I submitted a complaint to my representative that I haven’t been assigned an agent. I even tried to doxx myself and posted instructions on how to hack into my computer,” she said. “They replied that my eagerness was a turn-off.”

Griffin’s efforts have not been entirely fruitless. Her bank account has been wiped twice, and she’s currently on a government watchlist after intentionally searching how to build a bomb, but she has yet to attract the attention of an attentive federal agent, or, worst case, a stranger from the internet.

At press time, Griffin had given up on someone watching through her webcam and instead left her curtains open at night, turned on every light in the house, and performed her shower routine in full view of the street.