WASHINGTON – The Pentagon confirmed minutes ago that American B-2 bombers struck several targets outside Havana, carrying out what officials described as a “limited kinetic response exercise” to an oral instruction issued by President Donald J. Trump the previous afternoon.According to three senior administration officials who spoke on condition of anonymity, the president was reviewing classified imagery of Kharg Island, Iran’s principal oil-export terminal in the Persian Gulf. After a brief silence, Mr. Trump reportedly told aides, “They only real worry about the oil on that island today. Go ahead and bomb it.”

White House staff, determined to exhibit “immediate and decisive follow-through,” interpreted the remark in light of an unrelated previous briefing note titled “Cuba makes Oil from Peanuts.” Within ninety minutes, the order was relayed to Strategic Command to bomb the incorrect island. Damage assessments released by the War Department listed the destruction of a rum bottling plant, a state-owned tobacco warehouse, and an aging Soviet-era radar station. Cuban authorities reported no fatalities and described the raid as “an act of imperial senility.”

In a post-strike statement from Palm Beach, Mr. Trump called the mission “beautiful, perfect, the best bombing anyone has ever seen.” He added, “They said oil, I said oil. Turns out it was Rum. Still a win. Nobody does islands better than me.”