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Prime Satire News Media

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November 19, 2025
The Perineal > News > Sports

Sports

Mahomes to Play the Trumpet at Travis and Taylor's Wedding- 20251003 2245 Trumpet Player at Wedding simple compose 01k6pvyqd8eqzte0t3xjf9nqsf
October 4, 2025
Mahomes to Play the Trumpet at Travis and Taylor’s Wedding
Sports
October 4, 2025

KANSAS CITY, Missouri – Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs’ Quarterback, announced today that he will play the trumpet as part of a band for his teammate Travis Kelce’s wedding. Travis recently proposed to Taylor Swift during a private ceremony at an undisclosed location. Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift have been dating for quite some time…

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Baseball’s Robo-Ump Payola Scandal Revealed- Umpire
October 2, 2025
Baseball’s Robo-Ump Payola Scandal Revealed
Sports
October 2, 2025

NEW YORK, New York – A whistleblower has shed light on the new baseball umpiring system, and it’s all about the Money. Apparently, according to an unnamed source (whose identity is being protected for obvious reasons), the new Major League Baseball Automated Ball-Strike System, or ABS, will be an actual robot doing the umpiring and…

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NBA Star Gets Mom’s Rules for Living- mamas boy
September 18, 2025
NBA Star Gets Mom’s Rules for Living
Sports
September 18, 2025

DALLAS, Texas – Cooper Flagg really has his work cut out for him if he’s going to follow his mother’s rules. The Dallas Mavericks rookie has promised to abide by the law laid down by his mother, Kelly, or face the consequences, including no home visits for a year. Flagg, a former national high school…

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NHL to Expand Globally, with New Teams in Europe, Mideast- Collosseum
September 17, 2025
NHL to Expand Globally, with New Teams in Europe, Mideast
Sports
September 17, 2025

NEW YORK, New York – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has announced that the league will add four new teams as early as 2027 and that all of them are overseas, in hot-weather climates. According to Bettman, the new Global Division will consist of the Dubai Dynamos, the Madrid Matadores, the Rome Gladiators, and the Riyadh…

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Athlete outrage
August 6, 2025
Athletes Officially Run Out of Products to Endorse
Sports
August 6, 2025

In an announcement that rocked the sports world, there are no more products for professional athletes to endorse. “We should have seen this coming years ago, but just didn’t believe it would actually happen,” said Lou Trivell, founder of Trivell Promotions and Brokerage. “It’s a sad day for America and for crass, unbridled commercial exploitation.”…

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Angels Get Trifecta from Dodgers for Fake Player- LA Angels
July 30, 2025
Angels Get Trifecta from Dodgers for Fake Player
Sports
July 30, 2025

ANAHEIM – It’s Perry Minasian’s day to shine. The general manager of the Los Angeles Angels has revealed that he put one over on the cross-SoCal Dodgers, sending them a nonexistent player in exchange for a handful of current and budding stars.  The player in question was named Miguel Santangelo, and the Angels billed him…

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Legendary Fight Promoter Don King Wants to Promote the Ultimate Fight- tyson forman
July 29, 2025
Legendary Fight Promoter Don King Wants to Promote the Ultimate Fight
Sports
July 29, 2025

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – Despite being 93 Legendary fight promoter Don King keeps on promoting away. The latest fight he is promoting he’s calling it the classic of all classics and oldie but two goldies. King claims the fight to end all fights will be Mike Tyson vs George Foreman. After all they are the…

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KC Chiefs Say ‘Bo Knows Revival’- Bo Jackson BN
July 2, 2025
KC Chiefs Say ‘Bo Knows Revival’
Sports
July 2, 2025

KANSAS CITY – The Kansas City Chiefs have announced plans to bring back Bo Jackson, one of the most iconic football players of the late 1980s.  Jackson, 63, who last played in the National Football League in 1990, has recently undergone a large number of transformational surgeries in which doctors replaced his aging limbs and…

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Superstar Guerrero Inks Record Contract, Extending into 22nd Century- Superstar Guerrero Inks Record Contract Extending into 22nd Century
April 2, 2025
Superstar Guerrero Inks Record Contract, Extending into 22nd Century
Sports
April 2, 2025

TORONTO, Canada – Superstar Vladimir Guerrero, Jr. has agreed to a contract extension with his current team, the Toronto Blue Jays, for a team-record-setting $674 million. Per the terms of the agreement, a large part of that money will be deferred and eventually paid into a bank account that he has set aside for his descendants….

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Baseball Spring Training Begins, White Sox Eliminated from Playoff Race- Baseball Spring Training Begins White Sox Eliminated from Playoff Race
March 25, 2025
Baseball Spring Training Begins, White Sox Eliminated from Playoff Race
Sports
March 25, 2025

Although spring training for Major League Baseball has just begun, the Chicago White Sox have already been officially eliminated from the 2025 American League playoff race. While spring training is a time of hope and renewal for teams looking ahead to the start of the regular season, there is little hope for the White Sox,…

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