Entertainment

WASHINGTON, D.C. – BaDumpBump, a newly-appointed government panel, will review and approve all material written by comedians before they are allowed to perform it in public. “All future jokes, anecdotes, wordplay, satire, observations, gags, one-liners, and ad-libs must align with community standards,” said Benjamin “Chuckles” Stentson, Secretary of BaDumpBump. When asked how such standards will…

HOLLYWOOD, California – Sales have gone through the roof for a Maine mystery story after it got two big thumbs up from Reese Witherspoon and rave reviews from members of her book club.The Lighthouse Keeper’s Granddaughter, by Catherine Bellweather, tells the story of a woman who inherits a coastal Maine house and lighthouse from her…

ORLANDO, Florida — The creative people at Disney are planning to remake the Star Wars series for a younger audience since the original movies were from the 70s. That generation is already moving into their senior years. The social context, character appearance, and humor may no longer apply to the younger audience. Some of the…

LIMA, PERU – Archaeologists have revealed that among the designs on a large 3,000-year-old rock mural is a series of geometric patterns that spelled out BEYONCE in Quechua, a script used by ancient Peruvian people. The find is at Huaca Yolanda, on the northwest coast of what is now Peru. Archaeologists from the Pontifical Catholic…

NASHVILLE – A large number of Swifties have gathered in online forums to discuss their evidence that the wedding of their favorite music artist to Travis Kelce will take place in the home of country music. Swifties Scour Lyrics for Wedding Clues Taylor Swift and Kelce announced their engagement recently, setting the Internet on fire….

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND – At a joint news conference, Madonna and the surviving members of Black Sabbath announced that they would be joining forces as a band and embarking on a world tour. “This is not a joke,” said Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi. “We have long respected Madonna’s musicianship and her songwriting, and we are looking…

HOLLYWOOD, California – A number of A-list actors recently have admitted watching and rewatching their own films, in a growing trend. The latest was Winona Ryder, who says her favorite film was Heathers, which set her on the road to stardom. “Sometimes I watch it and imagine I’m a Heather,” Ryder said recently. “Most of…

NEW YORK, New York – In the spirit of Wes Craven comes a new horror film set against the backdrop of America’s most iconic tennis event. Game Set Scream follows the adventures of one woman and the misadventures of five men. Following on the heels of the planned Game, Set, Matchmaker, a reality TV show…

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a $50 billion capitulation deal with the current White House administration, a conservative reboot of Superman has been given the greenlight by Warner Brothers. “We couldn’t be prouder to bring this anti-woke version of the beloved comic book character to the screen,” said an enthusiastic CEO Thomas Gilamersh, while a gun…

TENNESSEE – Research findings by the National Institute of Mothers Tired of Screaming Babies have confirmed that an infant throwing a full-body tantrum when denied access to a cell phone is actually a sign of normal, healthy development. New mothers across the country have reported rising cases of babies shrieking uncontrollably to the point of…