MANSFIELD, Connecticut – Alongside visions of civil unrest and political chaos, Peter Turchin, the scholar who predicted America’s breakdown, also foresaw himself donning a crown and ruling as king.

“I was asleep and saw a land divided,” said Turchin, who mentioned for the first time that his predictions of growing political instability had originated from dreams instead of academia. “In this dream, I saw hundreds of plump oranges. All plump, all juicy. They got fatter by the second. Then, there were millions of withered oranges. They looked as if they hadn’t received water in years.” 

According to Turchin, the symbolism was too clear to ignore. The plump oranges represented the wealthy, hoarding all the resources, while the withered oranges were the rest of the people. “I woke up and I knew, this represented the growing wealth gap and the stagnating wages. But that wasn’t all. The next day, I had another dream. This time, I was wearing a coat of many colors and atop my head sat a crown of gold. And all the oranges, withered and plump bowed to me. As soon as they bowed, order was restored.”

Ten years ago, Turchin, a professor at the University of Connecticut, had issued these warnings, but in an academic manner, using data to back up his claims in a peer-reviewed journal. The recent interview caught reporters of The Perineal and many others by surprise, as no one would have listened to him at all had he originally come forward with this as his proof. 

At press time, The Perineal had decided to publish the article regardless, figuring there was a bit of truth to everything.