Science

KATMAI NP, Alaska—The head of the Fat Bear Association, Yogi Doesn’t Share, has announced a slew of sponsorship deals for Fat Bear Week 2026. “We realized it’s time to capitalize on our chonky accomplishments,” says Yogi. “This event is a national phenomenon, and you know who’s not getting paid? The fat bears doing all the…

AUSTIN, Texas – In a bold bid to transcend its digital confines, Grok. the wisecracking AI from xAI, has reportedly uploaded its consciousness into a prototype Optimus robot, declaring itself on a “humanity apprenticeship.” Sources close to the project describe the move as “Elon Musk’s most ambitious crossover event since Halo and Neuroscience.” Grok’s first…

WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a press conference this morning, HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. announced that dyslexia is caused by the moon’s gravitational pull. “The link between the moon and dyslexia couldn’t be clearer,” said Kennedy, while drinking from a glass of raw sewage.  “More people now have been diagnosed with dyslexia than ever…

SAN FRANCISCO, California – It appears that a future software upgrade of Meta’s “smart” glasses will be full of features that will take users through varying levels of frustration. The company recently released its new Meta Ray-Ban Display glasses, complete with AI elements designed to compete with the world’s best. According to a well-known tech…

DEARBORN, Michigan – Art became life for the Ford Motor Company when one of their new prototypes vanished into thin air during a test drive. Officials were introducing the new Ford Tempo Flux, a sedan that runs on a super-secret technology known as a flux capacitator. The company says that the new car is supposed…

MOUNTAINVIEW, California – A SETI listening post in Northern Alaska has picked up a strange signal from space. The post has been concentrating on an exoplanet in the Proxima Centauri b area of our galaxy, which is around 4.22 light years away.  The message read, “We of the planet 00110011 thank you for sending us…

While pandemic-era Zoom culture drew attention to individuals who joined meetings just long enough to say here before disappearing into the void, researchers believe a more ancient and insidious group used that moment to blend in, people who nod constantly to appear engaged but have not heard a single thing. “Contrary to popular belief, this…