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June 03, 2026
The Perineal > News

News

Man Dies Electrocuted While in Bed with Robotic Companion.- Robot death
September 2, 2025
Man Dies Electrocuted While in Bed with Robotic Companion.
Local
September 2, 2025

SAN FRANCISCO, California — Earlier today, the San Francisco Police Department was called to an apartment in the Tenderloin district after a distressed lady reported a man found deceased. The man, Roger Powers, 54, was found deceased lying on top of a robotic companion. The police are investigating the manner; however, they believe the man…

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New Clinical Study Proposes Limb Amputation as Most Effective Weight Loss Solution- limb removal
September 1, 2025
New Clinical Study Proposes Limb Amputation as Most Effective Weight Loss Solution
Lifestyle
September 1, 2025

ROCHESTER, Minnesota – In a new clinical study, researchers have proposed that limb amputation may be the most effective weight loss solution. The study involved four groups, each testing a different method of shedding pounds. Group one was tasked with drinking a special tea designed to cause extreme diarrhea, while group two experimented with Ozempic,…

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Noem Unveils Playlist to Accompany Painting of Border Wall- Kristi Noem
August 29, 2025
Noem Unveils Playlist to Accompany Painting of Border Wall
Politics
August 29, 2025

WASHINGTON DC – In a nod to the on-the-go music generation, Homeland Security Secretary Kirsti Noem has released a playlist to accompany the project to paint the border wall. Noem announced that, in deference to an idea floated by President Trump, workers would paint the metal wall black, to make it hotter and thereby deter…

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Trump’s Secret Agreement with China will allow 600K Students, and Potentially Spies, Into the US.- 20250828 1811 Busy Airport Immigration Lines simple compose 01k3snyvhze87b305j8hg2e76n
August 29, 2025
Trump’s Secret Agreement with China will allow 600K Students, and Potentially Spies, Into the US.
Politics
August 29, 2025

SAN FRANCISCO, California — The trump administration has made an agreement with the Chinese Communist government to allow 600,000 Chinese persons to enter the United States with a student visa. The agreement was made at an undisclosed location and under undisclosed terms, and it comes as a big surprise to the American youth community and…

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New Black Sabbath Singer: It’s Madonna!- Black Sabbath 1
August 28, 2025
New Black Sabbath Singer: It’s Madonna!
Entertainment
August 28, 2025

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND – At a joint news conference, Madonna and the surviving members of Black Sabbath announced that they would be joining forces as a band and embarking on a world tour. “This is not a joke,” said Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi. “We have long respected Madonna’s musicianship and her songwriting, and we are looking…

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Trump Administration Wants to Fire Fed Governor, Possibly due to its Own Expertise on the Matter- Federal reserve
August 28, 2025
Trump Administration Wants to Fire Fed Governor, Possibly due to its Own Expertise on the Matter
Politics
August 28, 2025

WASHINGTON, DC – The Trump administration is moving to fire the Fed Governor Lisa Cook, claiming to have evidence of Mortgage Fraud by Cook. Allegedly, Cook double-dipped on primary residence claims for two loans mere weeks apart. Trump claims that he has the right to remove Cook for gross negligence. Of course, this comes from the…

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Apple Inks Deal to Make Screens in Kansas- Kansas famr scene
August 27, 2025
Apple Inks Deal to Make Screens in Kansas
Economy
August 27, 2025

MANHATTAN, Kansas – The “Little Apple” is getting a much bigger bite of the prize. This northeastern Kansas town will soon be home to a gleaming new glassmaking plant, which has secured an exclusive contract to manufacture screens for iPhones and Apple Watches. Corning, headquartered in Harrodsburg, Kentucky, said that its initial agreement to make…

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New MAGA Clothing Hit: Pants Only for Men- Tucker Pants
August 26, 2025
New MAGA Clothing Hit: Pants Only for Men
Lifestyle
August 26, 2025

WASHINGTON – Tucker Carlson and Joe Rogan have launched a movement to remind everyone else who’s boss. Its call letters are WWP, and it stands for We Wear the Pants. “With all due respect to Sydney Sweeney, it’s men in America who wear the pants,” Carlson said, “and Joe and I intend to help people…

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Actors Admit to Rewatching Their Own Films- leonardo dicaprio
August 21, 2025
Actors Admit to Rewatching Their Own Films
Entertainment
August 21, 2025

HOLLYWOOD, California – A number of A-list actors recently have admitted watching and rewatching their own films, in a growing trend. The latest was Winona Ryder, who says her favorite film was Heathers, which set her on the road to stardom. “Sometimes I watch it and imagine I’m a Heather,” Ryder said recently. “Most of…

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Social Media User Admits to Changing Political Views Because of Friend’s Posts- 20250820 1726 Man Holding Phone simple compose 01k3507gb6ep2axfrd8a5dvf9z copy
August 21, 2025
Social Media User Admits to Changing Political Views Because of Friend’s Posts
Lifestyle
August 21, 2025

RENO, Nevada – In a stunning revelation, a social media user admits to changing his political viewpoints because of a friend’s relentless posts. “I couldn’t believe it myself,” says Milton Abercarp (not his real name) of Reno, Nevada. “I guess he just kind of wore me down.”  Abercarp, a registered Republican, would frequently engage in…

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Siblings Gaslight Mother That Brother’s Red Eyes and Herbal Scent Are Due to Allergies, Not Weed- kid pot
August 19, 2025
Siblings Gaslight Mother That Brother’s Red Eyes and Herbal Scent Are Due to Allergies, Not Weed
Local
August 19, 2025

BATON ROUGE, Louisiana – A brother’s siblings have stood by his side no matter what, even going so far as to gaslight their mother, who suspects that her son’s red eyes and distinct herbal scent may be due to smoking weed. “Look, why would he do weed? How would he even get it?” said 17-year-old…

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Kennedy Center Honors to Include Wrestling Match, Music Show- trump kennedy center
August 19, 2025
Kennedy Center Honors to Include Wrestling Match, Music Show
Entertainment
August 19, 2025

WASHINGTON – More details have emerged about the next Kennedy Center Honors awards program, and among the planned highlights are a celebrity wrestling match and a live-streaming episode of a new reality TV show. President Donald Trump recently announced the recipients of this year’s Honors: actor Sylvester Stallone, singers George Strait and Gloria Gaynor, actor-singer…

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