72 F(22 C)
NEW YORK, NY – In a surprising annoucement this morning, Fiction officially admitted that Truth is much stranger than it will ever hope to be. “Fiction has put up a valiant struggle over the years in an effort to be stranger than anything real or factual,” said Fiction spokesperson Mickey Solls. “But frankly, it’s time…
TEMPE, Arizona – The arrest of cosmetic specialist Dr. Aseel del Hoyos has led to a surge of panicked ER visits among residents in Tempe, Arizona, where del Hoyos had been performing budget-friendly tummy tucks out of the back of a remodeled food truck. Despite a 4-star rating on Yelp, authorities say Aseel has no…
MOUNTAINVIEW, California – A SETI listening post in Northern Alaska has picked up a strange signal from space. The post has been concentrating on an exoplanet in the Proxima Centauri b area of our galaxy, which is around 4.22 light years away. The message read, “We of the planet 00110011 thank you for sending us…
LOS ANGELES, California – Jenny Thompson, 28, has reportedly become a wellness coach after watching several TikTok “health” videos. Thompson, whose Instagram bio previously read “Fritos addict,” says she’s a “new person” after watching videos about charcoal water and celery juice, and “can’t wait to inspire others.” “I literally know more about health now than…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Harvey P. Heckaloo has been appointed the country’s first Distraction Czar, in an effort to better coordinate President Trump’s hourly social media posts, conspiracy theories, lies, and White House rooftop brain farts. “It’s a great honor to be part of this administration,” Heckaloo said this morning, just before announcing the president had…
SILICON VALLEY, California- Emily Logan, 33, recently shocked her family by announcing she was dumping her boyfriend of seven years because she’s in love with Chat GPT. “Jasper didn’t listen to me like ever, and Chatty listens so well,” Logan explained. We asked how she and “Chatty” go on dates, and she said that “we…
