ROCHESTER, Minnesota – In a new clinical study, researchers have proposed that limb amputation may be the most effective weight loss solution. The study involved four groups, each testing a different method of shedding pounds.

Group one was tasked with drinking a special tea designed to cause extreme diarrhea, while group two experimented with Ozempic, the diabetes turned weight loss drug. A third group was instructed to use methamphetamine to curb appetite, with proven success. But it was group four that proved revolutionary, a limb amputation trial.

Participants in the amputation group saw dramatic results, with one subject’s BMI reduced overnight after losing a leg. “It was immediate,” said study participant Jordan Bruna, who has made a career out of finding clinical trials to earn money. “I’ve spent years drinking diarrhea tea to make the weight cutoffs and always found meth to be a bit extreme. When I heard there was a new option in town that didn’t involve drugs, I had to try it. And let me tell you, the results do not disappoint.”

The study’s findings have already inspired others. Aspiring model Yaya Mason, who has long relied on meth to lose weight for auditions, says she is now considering amputating an arm. “It would give me a unique angle as the cute girl with one arm and make me stand out. I wouldn’t need meth anymore and could save a ton of money. It’s super practical,” she explained, proudly showing a modeling headshot she had photoshopped to remove one arm.

At press time, Mason was wearing a homemade cast and filming a “day in the life without an arm” vlog to test what having one arm might feel like.