TORONTO, Canada — A 75-year-old Indian man, Iam Sukhwinder, was held today at the Toronto Pearson International Airport due to the quantity and variety of illegal items in his possession. Among the items found so far was a Rotti Dabba style pot filled with food, swords, shields, wooden sticks, curry spice bags, flat bread, scrolls…
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NEW YORK, NY – In a surprising annoucement this morning, Fiction officially admitted that Truth is much stranger than it will ever hope to be. “Fiction has put up a valiant struggle over the years in an effort to be stranger than anything real or factual,” said Fiction spokesperson Mickey Solls. “But frankly, it’s time…
TEMPE, Arizona – The arrest of cosmetic specialist Dr. Aseel del Hoyos has led to a surge of panicked ER visits among residents in Tempe, Arizona, where del Hoyos had been performing budget-friendly tummy tucks out of the back of a remodeled food truck. Despite a 4-star rating on Yelp, authorities say Aseel has no…
MOUNTAINVIEW, California – A SETI listening post in Northern Alaska has picked up a strange signal from space. The post has been concentrating on an exoplanet in the Proxima Centauri b area of our galaxy, which is around 4.22 light years away. The message read, “We of the planet 00110011 thank you for sending us…
LOS ANGELES, California – Jenny Thompson, 28, has reportedly become a wellness coach after watching several TikTok “health” videos. Thompson, whose Instagram bio previously read “Fritos addict,” says she’s a “new person” after watching videos about charcoal water and celery juice, and “can’t wait to inspire others.” “I literally know more about health now than…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Harvey P. Heckaloo has been appointed the country’s first Distraction Czar, in an effort to better coordinate President Trump’s hourly social media posts, conspiracy theories, lies, and White House rooftop brain farts. “It’s a great honor to be part of this administration,” Heckaloo said this morning, just before announcing the president had…
SILICON VALLEY, California- Emily Logan, 33, recently shocked her family by announcing she was dumping her boyfriend of seven years because she’s in love with Chat GPT. “Jasper didn’t listen to me like ever, and Chatty listens so well,” Logan explained. We asked how she and “Chatty” go on dates, and she said that “we…
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – A company that emphasizes its unwavering commitment to trust and honesty, a phrase they repeat during all stages of interviews and is proudly posted on their website, has been lying about wages, vacation days, and job responsibilities “I was catfished by the company,” said Gwen, who went through the hiring…
NEW YORK, New York – In the spirit of Wes Craven comes a new horror film set against the backdrop of America’s most iconic tennis event. Game Set Scream follows the adventures of one woman and the misadventures of five men. Following on the heels of the planned Game, Set, Matchmaker, a reality TV show…
NEW YORK – Netflix, aiming to keep its edge in the top tier of streaming content providers, has inked a deal with three major airlines to extend users’ accounts to in-air viewing. American, Delta, and United have all agreed to partner with the venerable streamer on a new venture called Jetflix. Anyone who has a…
In an announcement that rocked the sports world, there are no more products for professional athletes to endorse. “We should have seen this coming years ago, but just didn’t believe it would actually happen,” said Lou Trivell, founder of Trivell Promotions and Brokerage. “It’s a sad day for America and for crass, unbridled commercial exploitation.”…
WASHINGTON – Kamala Harris, the Democratic presidential nominee in 2024, has a new job: she’ll be heading up a greeting card company. Harris, who recently said that she wouldn’t run for California governor, made the announcement at the company’s headquarters, surrounded by smiling employees. “For years, I’ve mastered the art of speaking for exactly 90…
