LIMA, PERU – Archaeologists have revealed that among the designs on a large 3,000-year-old rock mural is a series of geometric patterns that spelled out BEYONCE in Quechua, a script used by ancient Peruvian people. The find is at Huaca Yolanda, on the northwest coast of what is now Peru. Archaeologists from the Pontifical Catholic…
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NASHVILLE – A large number of Swifties have gathered in online forums to discuss their evidence that the wedding of their favorite music artist to Travis Kelce will take place in the home of country music. Swifties Scour Lyrics for Wedding Clues Taylor Swift and Kelce announced their engagement recently, setting the Internet on fire….
LOS ANGELESE, California—In a bold move, the billionaire-funded think tank Save Our Seas (SOS) has launched a multi-million dollar social media campaign to pit orcas and other cetaceans against each other. Billionaires Fuel Aggressive Save Our Seas Campaign It’s become clear that the orcas are cruelly targeting the yachts of those who have the misfortune…
OREM, Utah – The conservative young leader Charlie Kirk was shot dead at Utah Valley University. He was a friend of President Trump and frequently spoke at universities, offering a conservative perspective on various subjects. Charlie always had a witty and quick response to students who challenged his views. At the time of shooting, a…
PIMPLE SAUDAGAR, India – Many Leaders and dignitaries in India called for the boycott of American-made products after the White House announced that they will be taxing Indian products 50%. The move to tax Indian products was driven by the fact that India is purchasing oil from Russia, thereby helping to finance the Ukrainian war….
WASHINGTON, D.C — President Trump announced today that he signed an executive order earlier today over breakfast while eating an Egg McMuffin at the white house. The revelation came as a surprise even for the White House staff, who were not aware of the order signed earlier. Sources reveal to The Perineal that the White…
PISGAH FOREST, North Carolina – 38-year-old Harvey Detletter, accused of using a chainsaw to bring down an American sycamore in a forest, swears the tree did not make a sound when it fell. “I went into the forest to see if the legend was true,” said Detletter as he was taken into custody. “And there…
ARLINGTON, Virginia – Unable to tolerate the rejection they face when customers close their accounts, banks across the country are denying customers the ability since the decision isn’t mutual. “Some of these clients have been with us for five, ten years, then with no warning, we get a call that they are no longer interested….
SHREVEPORT, Louisiana – As federal student loan collections resume, local Christian man Chester Small cannot be bothered by the notifications he keeps receiving or the threats to have portions of his paycheck withheld because he considers the student loans he took out as part of the sins Jesus forgave him for. “Jesus died for all…
CHICAGO, Illinois – The Proud Amateur League (PAL), an organization specializing in the field of discrediting expertise, has published a long-awaited 300-page expert anti-expert report criticizing experts. “After much conjecture and loose suspicions, we can now definitively conclude that all experts are full of poo,” said PAL anti-expert expert Charlene Milford. “All their vaunted science…
WASHINGTON D.C — Our informants within the White House told The Perineal that President Trump will make a significant announcement today related to his health. This does not come as a huge surprise to our staff, considering his age of 79. What is more important is that President Trump will announce the move of the…
SAN FRANCISCO, California — Earlier today, the San Francisco Police Department was called to an apartment in the Tenderloin district after a distressed lady reported a man found deceased. The man, Roger Powers, 54, was found deceased lying on top of a robotic companion. The police are investigating the manner; however, they believe the man…
