Politics

WASHINGTON D.C. – Proving his mastery of the news cycle, President Donald Trump made headlines again when he revisited one of the signature moments of his 2024 election closing pitch and appeared on the streets of the nation’s capitol as a garbage collector. The president, who recently authorized the National Guard to do whatever it…

OREM, Utah – The conservative young leader Charlie Kirk was shot dead at Utah Valley University. He was a friend of President Trump and frequently spoke at universities, offering a conservative perspective on various subjects. Charlie always had a witty and quick response to students who challenged his views. At the time of shooting, a…

WASHINGTON D.C — Our informants within the White House told The Perineal that President Trump will make a significant announcement today related to his health. This does not come as a huge surprise to our staff, considering his age of 79. What is more important is that President Trump will announce the move of the…

WASHINGTON DC – In a nod to the on-the-go music generation, Homeland Security Secretary Kirsti Noem has released a playlist to accompany the project to paint the border wall. Noem announced that, in deference to an idea floated by President Trump, workers would paint the metal wall black, to make it hotter and thereby deter…

SAN FRANCISCO, California — The trump administration has made an agreement with the Chinese Communist government to allow 600,000 Chinese persons to enter the United States with a student visa. The agreement was made at an undisclosed location and under undisclosed terms, and it comes as a big surprise to the American youth community and…

WASHINGTON, DC – The Trump administration is moving to fire the Fed Governor Lisa Cook, claiming to have evidence of Mortgage Fraud by Cook. Allegedly, Cook double-dipped on primary residence claims for two loans mere weeks apart. Trump claims that he has the right to remove Cook for gross negligence. Of course, this comes from the…

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Harvey P. Heckaloo has been appointed the country’s first Distraction Czar, in an effort to better coordinate President Trump’s hourly social media posts, conspiracy theories, lies, and White House rooftop brain farts. “It’s a great honor to be part of this administration,” Heckaloo said this morning, just before announcing the president had…

In a bold move the Trump administration has finally offered to make a trade with Denmark for Greenland. The administration is strongly proposing that the US trades American Samoa and the Northern Mariana Islands to Denmark for Greenland. After all, most Americans don’t even know that the United States controls American Samoa (population 49,000) and…

In an unusual turn of events, President Donald Trump claims the late billionaire sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein didn’t actually exist. “People keep talking about Epstein, but frankly, I never heard of him,” said Trump during a press conference this morning in which he also blamed Joe Biden for causing the Chelyabinsk meteor to crash into…

AUSTIN, Texas – Republicans in the Texas state house have released illustrations of the proposed new congressional maps, and some eagle-eyed observers have seen all manner of things in them. One map in particular, that of Dallas County, the state’s most populous, has produced some widespread sightings. “I see a floppy-eared dog,” said one reporter…