Politics

BOCA CHICA, Texas – Thinking that Elon was another Tesla moving on its own, a Democrat wanting to join in on the Tesla attacks, threw a punch out and caught Elon in the eye.  “I saw him moving in that stilted yet smooth manner and just assumed he was the newest Tesla model,” said Martin…

CLIMAX, VA – Finding the concept of in person battle to be out of touch with modern day technological advancements, Gen Z has decided they will not be doing World War III even if drafted unless it’s fought remotely.  “The boomer concept of war isn’t necessary anymore,” said ROTC dropout Henry, who had briefly considered…

WASHINGTON D.C. – With Biden’s memory issues having spread to the rest of the Democratic Party, Democratic leaders are at a complete loss as to who they are, what they support, and why they’re even here. In the face of Trump’s growing power and Elon Musk’s unchecked influence, they are now urgently searching for someone,…

WASHINGTON D.C. [theperineal.com] – Plunging federal workers into a state of frenzy, Elon Musk’s government-wide email demanding employees report their weekly accomplishments or get booted triggered a wave of severe medical episodes. Among the victims was local office gossip enthusiast Gina Malerk, who was always seen in the kitchen, perched on somebody’s desk, but rarely…

WASHINGTON DC – Eagle-eyed viewers who watched Donald Trump’s recent State of the Union address noticed what looked to be a spitball land on the left sleeve of his suit jacket midway through his speech.  Naturally, this sent shockwaves across the world.  Who would attempt to hit the leader of the free world with a…

NEW YORK, NY – Andrew Cuomo says he is ready to take a step up in the world and serve as mayor of New York City. The former New York Governor and U.S. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development said it would be “a great honor” to represent the people of New York in “a…

YELLOWSTONE, Wyoming – In addition to finding massive amounts of waste and fraud within the federal government, DOGE also demands federal workers to return to the office full-time.  Naturally, there is great resistance among many of the federal workers to do so. This has been a major topic for workers at Yellowstone Park, where representatives…

In a diplomatic meltdown that aides are calling “both regrettable and deeply avoidable,” White House staff were forced to separate President Donald Trump and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy after a heated dispute over Zelenskyy’s refusal to share his shiny rocks ended in tears. According to sources, tensions flared the moment Zelenskyy pulled up in his…

WASHINGTON, DC – The DNC party recently learned that the orders being issued to the party members and associated left leaning media have been generated by an AI entity. The DNC and the opposition suspected something was wrong after many statements on X, Bluesky, and Facebook for over a thousand democratic party politicians and left…

EL PASO, TX – The skyrocketing price of eggs has driven desperate Americans to extreme measures, smuggling eggs across the Mexican border. In response, Mexico has taken drastic action, building a wall to keep out these dangerous egg traffickers, who are addicted to the lifestyle of omelets and quiches For those too broke to afford…