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June 03, 2026
The Perineal > News

News

Angels Get Trifecta from Dodgers for Fake Player- LA Angels
July 30, 2025
Angels Get Trifecta from Dodgers for Fake Player
Sports
July 30, 2025

ANAHEIM – It’s Perry Minasian’s day to shine. The general manager of the Los Angeles Angels has revealed that he put one over on the cross-SoCal Dodgers, sending them a nonexistent player in exchange for a handful of current and budding stars.  The player in question was named Miguel Santangelo, and the Angels billed him…

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RFK, Jr.’s Brain Worm Marries, Plans Family- worm wedding
July 30, 2025
RFK, Jr.’s Brain Worm Marries, Plans Family
Politics
July 30, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a whirlwind courtship, RFK, Jr.’s brain worm, Lewis, and his girlfriend, Tanya, were married in a simple ceremony yesterday afternoon in front of family and friends. “She looked absolutely beautiful in a lace sheath cap-sleeve dress,” said Gordon, a roundworm who attended the ceremony held in a cyst within the HHS…

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Ghislaine Maxwell to Testify on Epstein Files- G Maxwell
July 29, 2025
Ghislaine Maxwell to Testify on Epstein Files
Politics
July 29, 2025

NEW YORK, New York — In a plot twist that even Jeffrey Epstein couldn’t have conspired to do, Ghislaine Maxwell, the British socialite turned convicted sex trafficker, has launched a desperate plea to the U.S. Supreme Court. Sentenced to 20 years in 2022 for her role in Epstein’s underage massage empire, Maxwell is now arguing…

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Legendary Fight Promoter Don King Wants to Promote the Ultimate Fight- tyson forman
July 29, 2025
Legendary Fight Promoter Don King Wants to Promote the Ultimate Fight
Sports
July 29, 2025

LAS VEGAS, Nevada – Despite being 93 Legendary fight promoter Don King keeps on promoting away. The latest fight he is promoting he’s calling it the classic of all classics and oldie but two goldies. King claims the fight to end all fights will be Mike Tyson vs George Foreman. After all they are the…

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Hulk Hogan Dead at 71: Wrestles Final Match with Mortality- Hulk Hogan
July 28, 2025
Hulk Hogan Dead at 71: Wrestles Final Match with Mortality
Lifestyle
July 28, 2025

TAMPA, FL — Wrestling legend, feathered mustache ambassador Hulk Hogan has officially tapped out for good. The 71-year-old icon, born Terry Gene Bollea, reportedly passed away after what doctors are calling “an extended, decades-long staredown with death, anabolic steroids, and tanning beds.” Hogan, whose career included body slamming Andre the Giant, hawking everything from grills…

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Kansas popcorn wedding tragedy
July 24, 2025
Popcorn Disaster During Wedding in Kansas
Lifestyle
July 24, 2025

ATCHINSON, Kansas – 45 people were killed suffocated in Kansas yesterday by large amounts of popcorn. The Millers were having their wedding in the backyard of their home when an unusual storm instantaneously lid up the corn fields behind their property. The corn in the field, which was ready for harvest, almost instantly converted into…

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Large US Flag is Blown Off Foundation at White House- White house
July 24, 2025
Large US Flag is Blown Off Foundation at White House
Politics
July 24, 2025

Washington DC – During an unusual storm event yesterday, a large American flag placed by President Trump on the White House front lawn was blown off its foundation and crashed into the White House building. The flag caused significant damage to the White House, but fortunately, no one was injured in the incident. The president…

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Musk to Buy L.A. Times, Rebrand as X Times- X Times
July 23, 2025
Musk to Buy L.A. Times, Rebrand as X Times
Politics
July 23, 2025

LOS ANGELES – X marks the spot, again. Elon Musk has bought the Los Angeles Times and has promised to rebrand it as the X Times and institute a character limit for all online stories. Musk, the billionaire famous for buying Twitter and renaming it X, joins another tech guru in the newspaper business: Amazon…

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Latest Shyamalan Plot Twist: No, You Didn’t Miss Anything- The Business
July 23, 2025
Latest Shyamalan Plot Twist: No, You Didn’t Miss Anything
Entertainment
July 23, 2025

HOLLYWOOD, California – The cat is out of the bag, again. In the age of Internet spoilers, we now know the plot of yet another M. Night Shyamalan film. This time, the twist is that there isn’t one. The auteur, known for sometimes wrenching plot twists in movies like The Sixth Sense and The Lady…

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Explore classic war literature banned at DoD schools and the ACLU's response to the Pentagon book ban impacting military education.
July 21, 2025
Famous War Books Among Those Banned at DoD Schools
Politics
July 21, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Clausewitz’s On War and Sun Tzu’s The Art of War are among the hundreds of books that the Department of Defense has banned from its schools. According to a White House spokesperson, the books “have no place in American education.” Those were among the 596 books that the Defense Department ordered pulled…

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Democrats Demand Scrutiny on Melania Trump’s Citizenship Application- MT Shower Jet
July 21, 2025
Democrats Demand Scrutiny on Melania Trump’s Citizenship Application
Politics
July 21, 2025

SPRINGFIELD, Virginia – President Trump has recently claimed to want to revoke Rosie O’Donnell’s American citizenship, claiming that she “is not in the best interest of our Great Country.” he further claims that she “is a Threat to Humanity, and should remain in the wonderful Country of Ireland”. Many suspect Trump will also go after…

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Bankruptcy
July 17, 2025
Clothing Store That Struggled For Years Sells Out In 20 Minutes After Declaring Bankruptcy
Local
July 17, 2025

BAKERSFIELD, California – Within minutes of opening its doors for a final clearance sale after filing for bankruptcy, long-struggling clothing store Now Aging sold out entirely, marking its most successful day in business just moments before permanently shutting down. “I’ve never seen a line that long since I started working here 3 years ago,” said…

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