TAMPA, FL — Wrestling legend, feathered mustache ambassador Hulk Hogan has officially tapped out for good. The 71-year-old icon, born Terry Gene Bollea, reportedly passed away after what doctors are calling “an extended, decades-long staredown with death, anabolic steroids, and tanning beds.”

Hogan, whose career included body slamming Andre the Giant, hawking everything from grills to insurance, and starring in unforgettable cinematic classics like Suburban Commando, leaves behind a complicated legacy, a bandana collection rivaling the Vatican’s hat vault, and enough lawsuits to make even Alex Jones blush.

Despite years of denying steroid use with the same sincerity as a WWE storyline, experts say Hogan’s biceps alone could have qualified as independent pharmaceutical laboratories. “It’s not the drugs,” Hogan once told Larry King while blinking in Morse code for “help.” “It’s prayers, vitamins, and brotherhood.” Authorities are still searching for those vitamins, believed to be Schedule II controlled substances.

Over the years, Hogan became increasingly known less for his leg drop and more for his legal legwork, most notably body-slamming Gawker Media into bankruptcy. His later years saw Hogan attempting a return to relevance via a series of tone-deaf interviews and baffling endorsements, at one point promoting a line of energy drinks reportedly banned in three countries and two major sports leagues.

Fans and foes alike have taken to social media to express condolences. “Hulk Hogan was larger than life,” tweeted one fan. “Mostly due to fluid retention and elevated testosterone.” 

WWE officials confirmed a memorial will be held in the style of WrestleMania IX: over the top, slightly racist, and involving at least one malfunctioning pyrotechnic.

Brother, may you finally find peace in that great squared circle in the sky, where the ropes are tighter, the promos shorter, and nobody ever kicks out after three.