WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a whirlwind courtship, RFK, Jr.’s brain worm, Lewis, and his girlfriend, Tanya, were married in a simple ceremony yesterday afternoon in front of family and friends. “She looked absolutely beautiful in a lace sheath cap-sleeve dress,” said Gordon, a roundworm who attended the ceremony held in a cyst within the HHS Secretary’s pons and medulla. “If I had eyes, I would have been crying like a baby.”

After a vacation in an undisclosed human’s small intestine in Cancun, Lewis and Tanya plan to return to RFK, Jr.’s brain, and release thousands and thousands of eggs. “Lewis has been busy controlling RFK, Jr.’s activities for several years, but he’s decided now is the time to concentrate on raising a family,” said Joseph, a spirometra tapeworm currently living in the liver of Tulsi Gabbard, Director of National Intelligence. 

According to Joseph, the happy couple plan to convert part of RFK Jr.’s spinal cord into a playroom for the eggs once the larvae are released. “There’s plenty of room left in that brain and Lewis will hire a contractor to design a space that will allow all of the kids to really use their imaginations.”

And once they’ve grown? “The sky’s the limit,” says Gordon. “Believe me—there are so many people in this administration just itching to be a host.”