CHICAGO, Illinois – The Proud Amateur League (PAL), an organization specializing in the field of discrediting expertise, has published a long-awaited 300-page expert anti-expert report criticizing experts. “After much conjecture and loose suspicions, we can now definitively conclude that all experts are full of poo,” said PAL anti-expert expert Charlene Milford. “All their vaunted science and research and technical knowledge are a lot of hooey compared to good ol’ common sense and what we know based on friends’ Parler posts and watching unboxing videos.”

Most of the report provides anecdotal evidence of why experts can’t be trusted, along with drawings of unflattering stick figure representations of experts with names like “Big Deal Science Jerk” and “Oooh, Look at Me—I’ve Got a PhD!”, among others. “My cousin got a flu vaccine shot last October and then just three months later, he was hit by a car,” recounts a tearful Callum Rullins, a founding PAL member. “Are you going to honestly tell me that those two things had nothing to do with each other? How f—ing blind are you? Big Pharma and the automotive industry are in cahoots!”

When asked about the irony of PAL providing supposed expert advice about why experts are not to be trusted, Milford replied, “I don’t follow your question.”