CUPERTINO, California – A leak from Apple Inc gave The Perineal insight into the yet to be officially announced new iPhone, the iPhone XVIII. Indeed, it will be the eighteenth iPhone, though Apple insists it will actually be the “first” phone to matter since the previous one. According to executives, writing the number in Roman…
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WASHINGTON, D.C. – BaDumpBump, a newly-appointed government panel, will review and approve all material written by comedians before they are allowed to perform it in public. “All future jokes, anecdotes, wordplay, satire, observations, gags, one-liners, and ad-libs must align with community standards,” said Benjamin “Chuckles” Stentson, Secretary of BaDumpBump. When asked how such standards will…
Washington D.C. – The ABC Network claims that they started looking for a replacement for Jimmy Kimmel soon after he was suspended from his late-night talk show “Jimmy Kimmel Live!”. People close to the matter noted that the ABC parent company had input on the selection for the new host. It was to our staff’s…
DALLAS, Texas – Cooper Flagg really has his work cut out for him if he’s going to follow his mother’s rules. The Dallas Mavericks rookie has promised to abide by the law laid down by his mother, Kelly, or face the consequences, including no home visits for a year. Flagg, a former national high school…
Washington D.C. – Congress passed a bill late last night that amounts to a constitutional amendment, which will limit the protections of free speech to those speaking negatively against Charlie Kirk. Charlie Kirk was a conservative who spoke in colleges and other venues to debate and spread conservative values, until he was murdered last week…
MONROE COUNTY, Pennsylvania – After ten years, a beloved dog has returned to its Pennsylvania family, only to surprise them by becoming a practicing Buddhist. “He used to be very wild and rambunctious,” says Melanie Hatsiff, who had given up hope of ever finding their missing Golden Retriever. “I mean, it’s really great to have…
NEW YORK, New York – NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has announced a bold new phase in the NHL Europe expansion, revealing that the league will add four new teams as early as 2027, all of them located overseas in hot-weather climates. Bettman Confirms Global Teams in NHL Europe Expansion According to Bettman, the new Global…
HOLLYWOOD, California – Sales have gone through the roof for a Maine mystery story after it got two big thumbs up from Reese Witherspoon and rave reviews from members of her book club.The Lighthouse Keeper’s Granddaughter, by Catherine Bellweather, tells the story of a woman who inherits a coastal Maine house and lighthouse from her…
WASHINGTON D.C. – Proving his mastery of the news cycle, President Donald Trump made headlines again when he revisited one of the signature moments of his 2024 election closing pitch and appeared on the streets of the nation’s capitol as a garbage collector. The president, who recently authorized the National Guard to do whatever it…
NEW YORK, New York – World leaders declared today, September 14th, 2025 – “The Big Divide Day”. The day is an emergency call due to the increased “Cancel” mentality from all corners of society. Leaders claim society is at a moment in time where people in many cultures are either no longer communicating, moving away…
ORLANDO, Florida — The creative people at Disney are planning to remake the Star Wars series for a younger audience since the original movies were from the 70s. That generation is already moving into their senior years. The social context, character appearance, and humor may no longer apply to the younger audience. Some of the…
WASHINGTON D.C. – The federal government will create a new high-level department to counteract an attempt by an Australia state to throw the world plastic fish market into turmoil. A White House report gave some preliminary details on the Department of Condiment Security, to be headed up by former NYC mayor and Trump advisor Rudy…
