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June 03, 2026
The Perineal > News

News

Trump Administration Attack plans after Nobel Peace Prize snub
October 11, 2025
Trump Prepares to Bomb Norway After Nobel Peace Prize Snub
Politics
October 11, 2025

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following the announcement of Maria Corina Machado as winner of this year’s Nobel Peace Prize, President Donald Trump is preparing to blow up Norway. “The NOBEL PRIZES ARE RIGGED!” he wrote in one of thirty-two posts on Truth Social, expressing his apparent dissatisfaction with the Nobel Committee’s selection. “Who the F–K is…

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King Charles angry about Prince Andrews
October 10, 2025
King Charles Scuttles Andrew’s Dismal Plan for Secret Tunnel
World
October 10, 2025

BUCKINGHAM PALACE – King Charles III is reportedly “apoplectic” after discovering that Prince Andrew had developed an elaborate plan to monetize the recently revealed secret tunnel between St. James’s Palace and the Stafford Hotel. The tunnel hadn’t been used actively by the royal family in some time, although the late Queen Elizabeth II had been…

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Entertainment Arts purchase by PIF
October 9, 2025
 Kushner and Saudis Buy Entertainment Arts (EA)
Entertainment
October 9, 2025

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia – A group of investors has agreed to pay $55 billion for Entertainment Arts Inc, makers of iconic video games like “The Sims” and “Madden NFL.”  Among the new owners is Jared Kushner, son-in-law of U.S. President Donald Trump. The group who bought EA includes Kushner’s Affinity Partners, Silver Lake, and PIF,…

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James Cameron Tracking ‘Smart’ Octopi
October 9, 2025
James Cameron Tracking Incredible ‘Smart’ Octopi
Science
October 9, 2025

MONTEVIDEO, Uruguay – Researchers in Uruguay have found what appear to be super-intelligent sea life in a sunken warship. The crew of the remotely operated vehicle SuBastian found, alongside a submerged warship, 30 new species flourishing in cold-water coral reefs, and that was thrilling enough to oceanographers and marine biologists. But what really lit up…

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Mickey Mouse being vaccinated
October 8, 2025
Mickey Mouse Explains Why Calling Him a Plague Rat is Offensive
Lifestyle
October 8, 2025

ORLANDO, Florida – Disney World has released a new ad in which iconic rodent Mickey Mouse pleads with the public to stop calling him a plague rat. This follows the state of Florida’s announcement that it plans to repeal vaccine requirements in the state’s schools. “First, I’d like to point out that I’m a mouse,…

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President Trump Hair Style Patent Filing
October 8, 2025
Beautiful President Trump Hair Style Patent Filed with the USPTO
Lifestyle
October 8, 2025

ALEXANDRIA, Virginia – In a move that blends entrepreneurial flair with personal branding, former President Donald J. Trump has filed a patent application for his iconic hairstyle, described in official documents as a “gravity-defying aerodynamic comb-over.” The filing, submitted to the United States Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) last week, argues that the look represents…

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FCC New TV Rating Logo
October 7, 2025
The FCC to Create a TV Rating to Warn Viewers of Political Content.
Politics
October 7, 2025

WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Communications Commission issued a statement today that it will soon require all TV stations to rate their shows when political content is part of the show. This new rating was prompted by numerous complaints from various audiences that TV shows labeled as comedy cartoons for children or documentaries often contain…

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Hegseth to replace Generals with AI
October 7, 2025
Hegseth to Replace Fired Generals with AI Version of Past Heroes
Politics
October 7, 2025

WASHINGTON, DC – War Secretary Pete Hegseth, after firing yet another round of top generals, has announced that he is replacing them with AI-powered holographic projections of deceased military leaders, specifically Ulysses S. Grant, Robert E. Lee, and John J. “Blackjack” Pershing. “AI is the future of warfare,” Hegseth said in a memo sent to…

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The US Supreme Court to split the lower courts. One for the Liberal left and one for the Conservative Right.
October 4, 2025
The US Supreme Court to split the lower courts. One for the Liberal left and one for the Conservative Right.
Politics
October 4, 2025

WASHINGTON, DC – The Supreme Court announced today that the lower courts will be officially divided into two court systems, as the current lower courts already lean to the left or to the right, depending on the location and the judge’s ideology. With this new arrangement, it will be easier for lawyers to determine in…

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Mahomes Playing the Trumpet
October 4, 2025
Mahomes to Play the Trumpet at Travis and Taylor’s Superstar Wedding
Sports
October 4, 2025

KANSAS CITY, Missouri – Patrick Mahomes, Kansas City Chiefs’ Quarterback, announced today that he will play the trumpet as part of a band for his teammate Travis Kelce’s wedding. Travis recently proposed to Taylor Swift during a private ceremony at an undisclosed location. Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift have been dating for quite some time…

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MLB faces Payola Scandal accusations after reports claim robot umpires have purchasable “accuracy modes” giving wealthy teams a major edge.
October 2, 2025
Baseball’s Robo-Ump Payola Scandal Revealed
Sports
October 2, 2025

NEW YORK, New York – A whistleblower has exposed surprising details about the new baseball umpiring system, and it turns out Money is at the center of everything. According to an unnamed source, whose identity is being protected for obvious reasons, Major League Baseball’s Automated Ball-Strike System (ABS) isn’t just a simple tech upgrade but…

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Image Enhancements Reveal that Comet 3I / Atlas is Not Really a Comet Afterall.- Alien ship Atlas
October 2, 2025
Image Enhancements Reveal that Comet 3I / Atlas is Not Really a Comet Afterall.
Science
October 2, 2025

PORTLAND, Oregon – The Perineal was able to acquire the latest images of the comet 3I/Atlas through special sources, taken from a previously undisclosed Japanese space telescope. Using sophisticated AI enhancements and other tools, we were able to enhance the image enough to understand that the comet is not a comet at all. The article’…

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