WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following the announcement of Maria Corina Machado as winner of this year’s Nobel Peace Prize, President Donald Trump is preparing to blow up Norway. “The NOBEL PRIZES ARE RIGGED!” he wrote in one of thirty-two posts on Truth Social, expressing his apparent dissatisfaction with the Nobel Committee’s selection. “Who the F–K is Maria Corina Machado? Probably some Venezuelan NARCO TERRORIST!! Did she stop THIRTY-EIGHT WARS, like your FAVORITEST GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER? NO!!”

Bombers in Route after Nobel Peace Prize Snub

According to White House sources, plans are being drawn up for a B-2 stealth bomber attack, beginning with Oslo, plus troop deployment to secure what is left of the country after the bombing run is complete. “This attack is completely justified,” said Secretary of War Pete Hegseth, while drinking a bottle of aquavit. “If those Norwegian people can’t recognize everything that Donald Trump has done to secure peace in the world, we have no choice but to bunker bomb them back to Thor.”

In another post, Trump also demanded to know why he did not receive the Nobel Prize for Physics, which went to John Clarke, Michel Devoret, and John Martinis for their work in quantum mechanical tunnelling. “I KNOW ABOUT QUANTUM TUNNELLING!” he posted. “A GREAT SHOW! Big fan of SCOTT BAKULA!”

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