Entertainment

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND – At a joint news conference, Madonna and the surviving members of Black Sabbath announced that they would be joining forces as a band and embarking on a world tour. “This is not a joke,” said Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi. “We have long respected Madonna’s musicianship and her songwriting, and we are looking…

HOLLYWOOD, California – A number of A-list actors recently have admitted watching and rewatching their own films, in a growing trend. The latest was Winona Ryder, who says her favorite film was Heathers, which set her on the road to stardom. “Sometimes I watch it and imagine I’m a Heather,” Ryder said recently. “Most of…

NEW YORK, New York – In the spirit of Wes Craven comes a new horror film set against the backdrop of America’s most iconic tennis event. Game Set Scream follows the adventures of one woman and the misadventures of five men. Following on the heels of the planned Game, Set, Matchmaker, a reality TV show…

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a $50 billion capitulation deal with the current White House administration, a conservative reboot of Superman has been given the greenlight by Warner Brothers. “We couldn’t be prouder to bring this anti-woke version of the beloved comic book character to the screen,” said an enthusiastic CEO Thomas Gilamersh, while a gun…

TENNESSEE – Research findings by the National Institute of Mothers Tired of Screaming Babies have confirmed that an infant throwing a full-body tantrum when denied access to a cell phone is actually a sign of normal, healthy development. New mothers across the country have reported rising cases of babies shrieking uncontrollably to the point of…

CHICAGO – This time, even Emilio was there. The cast of the seminal teen movie The Breakfast Club had a reunion for the ages, enjoying a posh lunch and trading barbs at one another all over again. Emilio Estevez joined former cast members Anthony Michael Hall, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and Ally Sheedy for a…

NORFOLK, Virginia – A scattering of Morbius 2 requests have made their way onto various social media platforms, leaving legit superhero fans angry at the individuals behind every Morbius 2 request, a bunch of insomniacs. “The first review I left was reported for inappropriate content,” said one insomniac who requested anonymity for safety reasons. “It…

LONDON, England – Paul McCartney has announced that he will be working on new Beatles tracks using artificial intelligence. In the wake of the group’s recent hit “Now and Then,” which began as a demo that John Lennon never finished, McCartney said that he would use the same sort of digital engineering to make new…

NEW YORK, New York – After watching Diddy edge closer to a Trump pardon despite being labeled a child diddler, Mangione promises to turn over a new leaf and only commit sexual assault crimes if pardoned by President Trump. “I shouldn’t have gone after billionaires,” said Mangione who has been charged with 11 crimes for…

DETROIT, Michigan – Loyal viewers of the hit series White Lotus have gone through identity crises since Season 3 aired, especially local man Nick, who was hit the hardest after binge-watching the show’s latest season and is now concerned about incestuous acts taking place during his upcoming family vacation. Initially planning to relax, hit the…