HOLLYWOOD, CA – Following a $50 billion capitulation deal with the current White House administration, a conservative reboot of Superman has been given the greenlight by Warner Brothers. “We couldn’t be prouder to bring this anti-woke version of the beloved comic book character to the screen,” said an enthusiastic CEO Thomas Gilamersh, while a gun was pointed at his family. 

This brand-new version, titled Superman First, will feature a Man of Steel proudly born in this country, who fights against the Marxist takeover of the culture, and has no flaws whatsoever. “In our story, Clark Kent writes opinion columns alongside Lois Lane at Breitbart News Network,” explains writer Lowell Dander, who is scripting the movie with Stephen Miller and Kristi Noem. 

We follow Superman as he works with ICE to fight the evil mastermind Tren de Aragua Soros, and single-handedly disappears all illegal immigrants in this country to the Fortress of Solitude internment camp in El Salvador. Along the way, he takes over Greenland, and clears out Gaza to make room for the Trump-NASCAR International Speedway. Says Dander, “It’s something that we feel will resonate with everyone, whether they’re white or Evangelical.”

Shooting is expected to begin at the end of the year, with a budget taken from funds previously allocated to NPR and PBS.