LOS ANGELES, California – Cable news network (CNN) has been awarded the Emmy Award for best melodrama news organization. This prestigious award is given to news organizations that can leverage the drama of an ongoing news story in a way that amplifies the network’s agenda and perspectives. It is a prestigious award for journalists and…
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NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana – Hoping to make new friends after moving to the city, area man Trevor Hanley attended an outdoor mixer Saturday where he learned the phrase “I hate this country” means very different things to different people. Hanley told reporters he had been standing in line about to buy a drink when he…
LISBON, Portugal – Paulo Rangel has an idea for a name change, and he’s not afraid to voice it. Rangel, the Foreign Minister of Portugal, has put forward a proposal to rename NATO. Saying that his version rolls off the tongue easier in any language, Rangel has proposed that NATO become TONA. In practice, the…
FRESNO, California – After reviewing the miscellaneous charges on her credit card, victim of credit card fraud Amaya Pena created a GoFundMe for the thief because of their pathetic purchases. “I hadn’t even realized I was being robbed at first because of how low the charges were,” said Pena, scrolling through the type of transactions…
WASHINGTON – President Trump’s promise to conclude 90 trade deals in 90 days is still alive, the White House says, issuing a prime clarification. Karoline Leavitt, the president’s spokesperson, said that Trump never promised to do the 90 deals in 90 consecutive days. “These kinds of massive arrangements can take quite a few days and…
SPRINGFIELD, Virginia – The Transportation Security Administration will no longer require passengers to remove their shoes when going through the security checkpoints at all national airports starting immediately. The reason for this change is related to a study performed by Harvard University, which has shown that shoes can carry a high level and quantity of…
CHICAGO – This time, even Emilio was there. The cast of the seminal teen movie The Breakfast Club had a reunion for the ages, enjoying a posh lunch and trading barbs at one another all over again. Emilio Estevez joined former cast members Anthony Michael Hall, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald, and Ally Sheedy for a…
LOS ANGELES – Federal agents marching through MacArthur Park, the iconic Los Angeles greenspace and home to protests, did their part for the environment by picking up trash as they went. The dozens of agents brought their own trash bags with them, and the supply seemed inexhaustible, according to one observer, certainly more than sufficient…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt announced today at the White House that the promised Epstein files are no longer available for release since the files committed suicide. The files were on the Attorney General Pam Bondi’s desk when all of a sudden they caught on fire and became illegible. The FBI…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The White House released today a targeted list of illegal workers who will be allowed to remain in the US. The list was conceived after a backlash from Trump supporters who raised the concern to President Trump that ICE was targeting their workers. Those business owners met with Mr. Trump to make…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Despite mounting criticism over the government’s use of a messaging app typically favored by drug dealers, paranoid conspiracy theorists, and that one friend who won’t shut up about “government surveillance,” Trump administration insists Signal and other anonymous yellow ghost shaped apps are better suited for sending classified, highly sensitive information than Hillary…
PLANO, TX – Following a study confirming that $7 is too steep for a tiny, edible bag of carcinogens, Frito-Lay executives are reportedly scrambling to adjust their pricing strategy before customers come to their senses and make healthier, cheaper choices. “When sales plummeted and our stock tanked just hours after we raised prices by 100%,…
