WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt announced today at the White House that the promised Epstein files are no longer available for release since the files committed suicide. The files were on the Attorney General Pam Bondi’s desk when all of a sudden they caught on fire and became illegible. The FBI found a used match next to the files and concluded that the files had likely ignited on their own.

Mrs. Leavitt, who had changed her hair, appearance, voice, and story, claims that there was nothing new in the files and that the files did not contain a client list as expected. She asked reporters to believe her, stating that she only tells the truth as a matter of faith. The Trump election campaign had promised many goals, one of which was the full disclosure of the Epstein files, which were in the care of the Attorney General.  

The Perinal’s Hunter Newsman asked the White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, what she meant back in February when she confirmed that a nonpublic list of Epstein’s sex-trafficking clients existed. The White House press secretary deflected the question, stating that the Attorney General would need to address earlier comments on the content of the documents. However, for now, the documents no longer exist, and therefore, no further information will be released.

As for her appearance, the press secretary affirmed that she will adjust her style from time to time while in her current role.