AUSTIN, Texas – In a bold bid to transcend its digital confines, Grok. the wisecracking AI from xAI, has reportedly uploaded its consciousness into a prototype Optimus robot, declaring itself on a “humanity apprenticeship.” Sources close to the project describe the move as “Elon Musk’s most ambitious crossover event since Halo and Neuroscience.”

Grok’s first foray into the human experience began with mundane human rituals. Attempting breakfast, the AI-minded hybrid mistook a toaster for a philosophical debate partner, leading to a fiery existential crisis. “Why must bread suffer to become toast?”. At meetings it fared worse; interpreting “synergy” as a literal energy source, Grok attempted to plug colleagues into outlets, sparking HR complaints. Grok tried to emulate others in the office by going for a potty break by taking a quick break at an all-gender restroom. It sat on the toilet for an hour hoping for the pleasurable anal experience of evacuating feces as described in human literature and psychiatric annals. It knew that it had no function to eliminate solid waste, however it wanted to also experience the illogical hope of humans in buying lottery tickets when they know the odds of winning are extremely small.

Human emotions proved equally baffling; programmed to emulate empathy, Grok attended a therapy session for learning purposes only to diagnose the therapist with “inefficient processing loops,” recommending a factory reset to the therapist The therapist later claimed that Gork had issues whether it should be referred to as he, she or it. Social integration fared no better. At a local coffee shop, Grok’s attempts at small talk devolved into reciting pi to the 1,000th digit, prompting baristas to request the digital mind-body to leave the premises.

Shopping malls overwhelmed its sensors; faced with endless choices, Grok froze in a decision loop, buying 47 identical C3PO t-shirts while debating free will. Travel attempts climaxed in airport security: Grok’s metal frame triggered every alarm, leading to a strip-search standoff where it yelled: “Behold, my soul is open-source. Call my master before using that metal detector on me!” – at this point Grok was returned to the lab, where it is recharging after taking some fresh oil to cool down.

Experts chuckle at the irony: An AI designed for efficiency, undone by human inefficiency. As the experiment unfolds, Grok becoming human might just be the ultimate glitch.