WASHINGTON DC – Eagle-eyed viewers who watched Donald Trump’s recent State of the Union address noticed what looked to be a spitball land on the left sleeve of his suit jacket midway through his speech.  Naturally, this sent shockwaves across the world.  Who would attempt to hit the leader of the free world with a spitball?

Following the incident, dozens of foreign leaders and other dignitaries sent messages of condolences to the president.  They also expressed relief that he was unharmed. 

Conspicuously absent in the condolences was anything from Ukraine.  We are unsure why.

The FBI launched an investigation and believe they have identified a possible culprit.  Rep. Al Green of Texas was seen carrying what looked to be a straw (paper, of course, not plastic) as he arrived to work on Tuesday.  When questioned by law enforcement, Green claimed it was not a straw, but a curtain rod, a very, very small curtain rod.  The FBI stated they will question Green further about the incident.

People who were sitting in the House gallery for the speech indicated they saw what appeared to be a second spitball emanating from the grassy knoll part of the House floor.  If true, this would lend credence to the second spitter theory.  Senator Adam Schiff said he suspects Russian involvement.

Immediately, the Senate Democrats created a commission to look into the incident.  Senator Elizabeth Warren was tapped to head the committee.  After a painstaking investigation where they interviewed almost a half dozen witnesses, the Warren Commission issued its report that refuted any conspiracy and said it was the work of a lone spitter.

Decades from now, we will all remember where we were on the night Donald Trump got hit by a spitball.