In a diplomatic meltdown that aides are calling “both regrettable and deeply avoidable,” White House staff were forced to separate President Donald Trump and Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy after a heated dispute over Zelenskyy’s refusal to share his shiny rocks ended in tears.

According to sources, tensions flared the moment Zelenskyy pulled up in his Radio Flyer SUV, prompting Trump to snicker. The situation escalated inside the Oval Office when Zelenskyy proudly displayed samples of his glittering minerals but refused to let Trump touch one without an equal trade.

Eyeing the prized collection, Trump first attempted negotiations, offering a “bigger, better, stronger rock,” a piece of charred wood he conspicuously grabbed from the Oval Office fireplace. When Zelenskyy declined, Trump opted to take one by force, only for Zelenskyy to slap his hand away, declaring that he would protect his rocks “whether Trump likes it or not.”

Vice President JD Vance quickly weighed in, denouncing Zelenskyy’s behavior as selfish. “To come into the Oval Office and refuse to share with the American people in front of our media is highly disrespectful,” Vance said, before offering Trump a backup rock of his own, later identified as a piece of White House drywall.

A quarrel ensued, forcing White House staff to intervene and send both leaders to timeout corners. Tensions cooled briefly after juice boxes were distributed, but flared up again when Trump finished both of his and reached for Zelenskyy’s unopened one.

At press time, Vice President JD Vance had opted to share his juice box and introduced graham crackers in a last-ditch effort to restore order.