PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania – On Friday morning, SEPTA implemented a new behavioral code, sparked by the ban of a woman who smelled noticeably pleasant on the Market-Frankford Line.

The violator, 28-year-old Vivian Chen, reportedly boarded the eastbound train around 8:15 a.m. wearing freshly laundered clothing and scented deodorant. “I didn’t want to smell like the inside of a gym bag,” Chen later explained. “I didn’t realize smelling terrible was a requirement to ride SEPTA.”

The new policy, officially dubbed the Code of Suffering, reminds passengers that the subway is no place for optimism or good things, especially the subtle scent of warm cinnamon apple pie.

SEPTA officials confirmed Chen’s use of deodorant violated the transit authority’s longstanding tradition of ensuring riders experience immeasurable psychological and olfactory distress during their commute.“The goal,” they said, “is for passengers to arrive at their destinations reeking of urine, weed, and other gag-inducing scents.”

“We have standards to maintain,” said SEPTA spokesperson Frank Dawson. “We try to cultivate a certain atmosphere, one that deters people from riding, maintains low morale, and ensures nausea throughout all cars. This is hard to achieve when someone smells like they care about personal hygiene.”

Multiple riders claimed the pleasant scent made them question their own life choices. “I was halfway through a meatball hoagie I found under the seat when she walked in,” said one man. “Suddenly I felt shame. That’s not what public transit in Philadelphia is about.”

At press time, SEPTA issued guidance recommending only natural, aluminum-free deodorants, as they tend to bring out a musk even worse than whatever’s already leaking out of your armpits.