NEW YORK, New York – The UN building experienced several technical failures today as President Trump arrived to deliver his speech to the assembly. In addition to the escalators and teleprompters failing to function, the UN building’s toilets also experienced several issues that ultimately caused water containing feces to flow out of the bathrooms and into the main corridors of the building. The problem was so severe that many sessions had to be canceled; however, the main session with President Trump could not be rescheduled. Our staff onsite reported that the smell in the building was suffocating.

The Perineal was able to catch President Trump speaking to his staff as he left the building after addressing the Assembly. He briefly muttered: ”This place is a piece of shit – no pun intended!”. President Trump gave a very stark and sobering speech to the UN today. The Assembly wished that the teleprompter had not failed so that the blow would not be so severe. At the time of print, our reporter at the scene indicated that the UN will be closed down indefinitely “until the shit can be cleaned up”.