EVANSVILLE, Indiana – Tommy, a 5 year old who has been put on the diet of a middle-aged woman attempting to lose weight, is struggling with his mother’s latest health crusade. The recent food dye ban has become her new favorite weapon in the battle against his beloved Fruit Loops.

“The entire family has to get healthier, not just me,” said the mother, who refused to be the only person in the family to go on a diet, as she removed the plastic bag of Cheerios, placed it inside the empty fruit loops box, then sprinkled some lemongrass powder into the plastic before rolling it up and placing it near Tommy’s seat. “Now that fruit loops and cheerios look the same, Tommy won’t know the difference.”

Tommy, whose culinary preferences consist of Cheez-Its, pizza, and apple juice, has become collateral damage in his mother’s refusal to be the only one in the family to endure a tasteless diet in the name of health. Just last week, she served cauliflower crust pizza with vegan cheese to the entire family.

His father, who secretly stops at a drive-thru every day after work to eat in his car before coming home, manages to survive these dinners with a satiated belly. But those like Tommy, who lack the independence to secure their own food supply, have resorted to underground bartering systems, trading kale chips and diet soda with lunch ladies who are the demographic of the foods Tommy’s mother insists upon.

When we arrived for the interview, Tommy was unavailable for comment as he was busy hiding under his bed with a contraband fruit roll-up given to him by his grandmother, who believes that childhood should include some joy. His mother, meanwhile, was preparing a batch of zucchini brownies sweetened with dates.