WASHINGTON, D.C. – Attorney General Pam Bondi has announced the formation of a new division within the Justice Department that will focus entirely on long-lasting lawsuits. In the interest of government transparency, the new division will be called the Division of Lengthy Litigation (DOLL). 

“We’re not skirting this important issue,” Bondi said. “We think that the American people should know just how many lawsuits that they are contributing to with their taxes, and we are going to shine a bright light on especially the long-lasting suits.”

Bondi was also up front in saying that the division would track lawsuits involving President Donald Trump. “The American people elected him to lead, and he will lead in this arena as well,” she said.

Bondi also said that she had the president’s full support and that he was so interested in reports from this new division that he was placing Vice-president J.D. Vance in charge of the entire operation. “J.D. has wanted a new DOLL in his life for some time now,” Trump said.

A Vance family friend lauded the move, saying that it would distract the Vice-president from his current obsession of having to tell people how to pronounce his wife’s name correctly.