NEW YORK, NY – Having spent the past few months championing the perks of dating an older woman, Chad finally unveiled the much-anticipated photo of his Golden Bachelorette, Emily.

“He’s been raving about this cougar for months,” said coworker Ryan, stunned by the big reveal. “From the way he talked, I figured she’d be at least 40, maybe 45, not 30.”

Sensing that the group’s silence meant Emily was being mentally categorized as a wrinkled hag, Chad rushed to her defense. “Could she benefit from Botox? Sure. But she has so much more going for her.” Although Chad typically preferred women at least three years younger, his relationship with Emily had opened his eyes to the possibility of “dating MILFs.”

“She has her life figured out,” he explained, admiring Emily’s ability to budget and own a house. “That was attractive. The moment she invited me back to her place, I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.”

Not wanting to look like a loser, Chad omitted his previous cohabitation experience, a relationship with 21-year-old Anna that ended abruptly when her roommate reported him to the RA, leading to both a breakup and an eviction. Now, sleeping in a room that could fit twenty of Anna’s twin-sized beds, Chad felt certain he had won the breakup.

“Dating an older woman is a life-changing experience,” he sighed, patting Ryan on the back. When reminded that he himself was just one month shy of 30, Chad scoffed. “It’s different for men. Women mature faster.”

At press time, Chad’s hat had accidentally fallen off, revealing a growing bald spot.