BOCA CHICA, Texas – Thinking that Elon was another Tesla moving on its own, a Democrat wanting to join in on the Tesla attacks, threw a punch out and caught Elon in the eye.
“I saw him moving in that stilted yet smooth manner and just assumed he was the newest Tesla model,” said Martin Winters, who claims he’s been around enough electric vehicles to recognize their appearances and behaviors. “He looked machine-like. He didn’t make a sound. I figured if I hit him hard enough in the headlights, which, just saying, he also had two of, like a Tesla, maybe I could mess up his sensors.”
Winters, a recent recruit to the anonymous group responsible for targeting Teslas and their dealerships, had been pumped to get out there and do some real damage. “We wanted to hit him where it hurt,” said Winters. “I joined after the group had gotten the ball rolling. It started as Elon’s Haters, a loose collective of people who made fun of Elon and played spot the plastic surgery with before and after coming into money images of his body. Now, we’re still Elon’s haters, but we’ve taken it a step further past online bullying. We have caused real damage. Elon’s tanking stock? That’s us. We’ve hit all our metrics to the point where he’s ruining his own life without our involvement.”
Brigitte Macron later had reached out to confess she had shoved her husband, but only because she also thought he was an autonomous Tesla vehicle of the latest model.
