World – The rest of the world has had it up to here with the mass influx of Americans coming to their countries and refusing to leave, forcing several nations to introduce an American ban. The sweeping restrictions include canceling visas, bulldozing hostels, and creating a separate, more grueling customs process for anyone carrying a passport with an eagle on the front.
Spain is one of the first to crack down, worried that Americans will sneak in and start living illegally just to enjoy luxuries like reproductive freedom and hospital bills that don’t trigger an existential crisis or a GoFundMe campaign.
“I could’ve never imagined an ambulance ride could cost eighty dollars,” reported American refugee Mike Larson, a father of two who packed up his life and fled overseas after receiving a $13,000 hospital bill for his wife’s labor, a bill he was hoping to evade by simply never stepping foot in the U.S. again.
Even Canada has pulled back its asylum offers after an alarming surge of U.S. citizens crossing the border in search of electricity, clean drinking water, and the radical notion that they shouldn’t go bankrupt from stepping on a nail. The Canadian government has since implemented a strict screening process to filter out those who seem too desperate.
“Just last week, we had a guy sobbing at the border, telling us he had to sell a kidney in Mexico to afford the dentist,” said border officer Pierre Dupont. “That’s when we knew we had to put an end to this. They should go back to their own country and fix their own problems.”
Meanwhile, in Mexico, a proposed counter-wall is under discussion to prevent Americans from sneaking south for affordable insulin and eggs.
