Hollywood, California – At long last, a new actor has been named to play James Bond. It is Tom Cruise, and the name of the new film is Undercover Revelations. The announcement came in a joint statement from Danjaq LLC and Metro-Goldwyn Mayer, which jointly own the rights to the iconic spy franchise.
Cruise, star of such films as Rain Man and the Mission: Impossible franchise, was excited to take on the new challenge. “I appreciate the position I’m in, following in the footsteps of such great actors, but I’m glad to put a new stamp on the character and reveal his true identity after all this time.”
According to film executives, a major plot point of the new film is that Bond turns out to be an American working undercover, able to fool the British and Soviet/Russian spy establishments for a very long time. Asked whether the iconic actor would be attempting a British accent, one executive said, “Of course not. He’s Tom Cruise. He’s an American. Look, no one cared when Sean Connery didn’t exactly sound English.”
One longtime fan was glad to hear of the new Bond actor. Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos said he would be buying the rights to all franchise films except those starring Timothy Dalton. “I’ve never liked those two,” he said. “George Lazenby I can stomach, but Dalton was never my kind of Bond.”
Not willing to comment in any way, shape, or form were Judi Dench, Ralph Fiennes, and members of the Broccoli family.
