Terms services

Welcome to The Perineal, operated by News Cosmos, LLC (“Company,” “we,” “us,” or “our”). These Terms of Use (“Terms”) govern your access to and use of our website, including all articles, content, features, and services available on or through The Perineal (the “Website”).

By accessing or using this Website, you acknowledge and agree that this platform is intended for satirical and entertainment purposes only. The content published on this Website is not real news, and any resemblance to actual events, persons, or facts is purely coincidental.

These Terms establish the legally binding agreement between you (“User,” “you,” or “your”) and News Cosmos, LLC regarding your use of the Website. If you do not agree to these Terms, you must discontinue use of the Website immediately.

By accessing, browsing, or using this Website in any manner, you agree to be bound by these Terms of Use and our Privacy Policy (which governs how we collect, use, and protect your data)

If you sign up for an account, submit content, or interact with features on this Website, you further confirm your acceptance of these Terms. If you disagree with these provisions, you are prohibited from using this Website.

1. USER ACCOUNTS & REGISTRATION

To access certain features of the Website, users may have the option to create an account by providing a username and password. By registering for an account, you agree to provide accurate, complete, and up-to-date information during the registration process, not create an account using false information or impersonate another individual or entity, and not create multiple accounts or use automated methods to register.

The Company reserves the right to reject, suspend, or terminate accounts that violate these Terms or appear fraudulent.

Users may be able to upload an avatar image to personalize their accounts. By uploading an avatar, you agree that the image must not be offensive, illegal, or infringe on the intellectual property rights of others. You are solely responsible for ensuring that you have the right to use the uploaded image, and the Company reserves the right to remove any avatar that violates these Terms or is deemed inappropriate.

You are responsible for maintaining the security and confidentiality of your account credentials, including your username and password. You agree that you will not share your password or allow others to access your account, you will notify the Company immediately if you suspect any unauthorized access or security breach, and the Company is not liable for any loss or damage resulting from unauthorized access to your account due to your failure to secure your credentials.

2. CONTENT DISCLAIMER

2.1 Satirical Nature of Articles

The content published on the website, operated by News Cosmos, LLC, is intended solely for entertainment and satire purposes. This Website’s articles, stories, and opinions are fictional, exaggerated, and humorous. They do not reflect actual events, facts, or statements from individuals or organizations. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. The content is meant to provoke thought, entertain, and highlight social or political absurdities, not to provide factual reporting or news coverage. Readers should not interpret the articles as objective news or factual statements.

While we strive to create engaging and humorous content, News Cosmos, LLC makes no warranties or guarantees about the accuracy, reliability, or completeness of the content on this Website. As part of the website’s satirical nature, the articles may contain intentional exaggerations, fictionalized quotes, or fabricated events. No content on this Website should be considered professional advice, including legal, financial, medical, or political advice.

Readers are encouraged to fact-check real-world news sources for accurate information on current events.

2.2 No Liability for Misinterpretation

By using this Website, you acknowledge and agree that News Cosmos, LLC shall not be held responsible for any misinterpretation, misunderstanding, or reliance on the content presented. If you are offended or upset by any article, you must recognize the satirical intent and discontinue use of the Website. The Company is not liable for any damages, emotional distress, reputational harm, or actions based on content read on this Website.

By accessing this Website, you agree to read the content with the understanding that it is satire and not factual reporting.

3. USER-GENERATED CONTENT

3.1 Commenting Rules & Guidelines

Users may be allowed to post comments and discuss articles published on the website. By submitting a comment, you agree to keep discussions respectful and relevant to the topic, avoid posting false, misleading, or inflammatory statements, respect the satire nature of the Website, engage in good faith discussions, and not impersonate any person or misrepresent your identity. The Company reserves the right to establish additional commenting guidelines and expects users to always adhere to them.

3.2 Moderation Rights & Removal of Content

The Company reserves the right to review, edit, or remove any user-submitted content at its sole discretion and without prior notice. Comments may be deleted or moderated if they violate these Terms of Use, contain offensive, misleading, or harmful information, or do not contribute to meaningful discussion. Users who repeatedly infringe the commenting rules may have their accounts suspended or permanently banned from using the Website.

The Company is not obligated to monitor all user comments but reserves the right to enforce community standards as necessary.

3.3 Prohibited Content (Hate Speech, Spam, Harassment)

Users may not submit content that:

• Contains hate speech, racial slurs, sexism, homophobia, or discriminatory remarks.

• Promotes violence, illegal activities, or threats against individuals or groups.

• Contains spam, advertising, or promotional content unrelated to the discussion.

• Includes false or misleading statements, conspiracy theories, or misinformation.

• Encourages cyberbullying, harassment, or personal attacks.

Content violating these standards will be removed, and the responsible user may face account suspension or legal action if necessary.

4. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS

4.1 Ownership of Website Content

All content published on the website, including but not limited to articles, images, graphics, logos, videos, website design, and branding, is the exclusive property of News Cosmos, LLC or its licensed content providers. The Website’s content is protected by copyright, trademark, and other intellectual property laws. The Company retains all rights, titles, and interests in and to the content, including any modifications, derivative works, or compilations.

Users do not acquire ownership rights to the content by accessing or using the Website. Any unauthorized use, reproduction, or distribution of Website content may result in legal action for copyright infringement.

4.2 User License to Access Content

By using this Website, users are granted a limited, non-exclusive, revocable, and non-transferable license to access and view the content for personal, non-commercial purposes only.

This license does not permit users to modify, alter, or create derivative works based on the Website’s content, use the content for commercial purposes, including resale, redistribution, or publication on another platform, or remove copyright notices, trademarks, or proprietary labels from the Website’s content. The Company reserves the right to revoke or terminate this license at any time if a user violates these Terms.

4.3 Prohibited Use of Website Content (No Copying, Redistribution)

Users may not:

• Copy, download, screen-capture, or redistribute Website content without prior written permission from the Company.

• Republish articles or other materials from this Website on third-party websites, blogs, or media platforms.

• Use Website content in training AI models, automated systems, or machine learning databases.

• Do not use the Website content in any way that competes with News Cosmos, LLC or misleads others into believing it is real news.

The Company actively monitors unauthorized use and may pursue copyright enforcement actions against violators, including legal claims for damages.

5. MONETIZATION & ADVERTISEMENTS

5.1 Use of Google AdSense

This Website may display advertisements through Google AdSense or other third-party advertising networks to generate revenue. By using this Website, you acknowledge and agree that ads may be personalized based on cookies, browsing history, or other tracking technologies. Google AdSense and other advertising partners may collect non-personal data to display relevant ads. Users may manage or disable personalized ads by adjusting their settings through Google’s Ad Preferences or browser-based ad-blocking tools.

For more information about how ads are displayed and your data is used, refer to our Privacy Policy and Google’s Privacy & Terms page.

5.2 Third-Party Advertisements Disclaimer

The Company does not control, endorse, or guarantee the accuracy, reliability, or legality of advertisements displayed on the Website. Clicking on ads may redirect you to third-party websites, subject to their terms and policies. The Company is not responsible for purchases, transactions, or interactions between users and third-party advertisers. Users should exercise caution when engaging with third-party ads and verify the legitimacy of external offers before sharing personal or financial information.

5.3 No Endorsement of Advertised Content

The appearance of ads on this Website does not imply any endorsement, sponsorship, or recommendation by News Cosmos, LLC. The Company does not make any representations about the quality, safety, legality, or effectiveness of products or services advertised. Any disputes or concerns regarding an advertisement must be resolved directly with the advertiser, not the Company.

If you encounter an advertisement you believe is misleading, inappropriate, or violates our policies, please report it to [Company Contact Email].

6. THIRD-PARTY SERVICES & LINKS

This Website may contain links to third-party websites, services, or resources for user convenience and informational purposes. By clicking these links, you acknowledge and agree that News Cosmos, LLC does not own, operate, or control these third-party websites and is not responsible for their content, policies, or practices.

Links to external websites do not endorse their content, products, or services. The Company makes no guarantees about accuracy, reliability, legality, or security. Users should carefully review the terms, privacy policies, and security measures of any third-party website before interacting with or providing personal information to them.

The Company is not liable for any information, advertisements, opinions, or materials presented on external websites linked from this Website. If users engage in any transactions, purchases, or communications with a third-party site, they do so at their own risk.

The Company does not investigate, verify, or monitor third-party content for accuracy or appropriateness. If a linked website contains offensive, illegal, or misleading content, users may report it to [Company Contact Email], and the Company may review and consider removing the link at its sole discretion.

By using third-party services, users agree to abide by the terms and policies set forth by those third-party platforms, acknowledge that News Cosmos, LLC has no control over third-party data collection, tracking, or privacy practices, and accept full responsibility for their interactions with third-party websites and services. The

Company encourages users to read and understand the terms and privacy policies of any external websites they visit to protect their rights and personal information.

7. PROHIBITED USES OF THE WEBSITE

To ensure a safe and lawful user experience, all visitors and account holders on the website agree not to engage in any of the following prohibited activities.

Users are strictly prohibited from attempting to:

• Gain unauthorized access to any part of the Website, including accounts, databases, or administrative systems.

• Bypass security measures or interfere with the proper functioning of the Website.

• Deploy malicious software such as viruses, malware, or trojans.

• Scrape, crawl, or data-mine the Website’s content using bots, automated systems, or similar technologies.

While this Website produces satirical content, users are still prohibited from:

• Posting false or misleading statements as factual claims in comments or discussions.

• Impersonating another person, brand, or organization to deceive others.

• Spreading conspiracy theories, misinformation, or defamatory content that could harm individuals or groups.

The Company reserves the right to remove deceptive content and take disciplinary action against users who intentionally spread false information outside the site’s established satire.

Users may not use this Website for any activities that:

• Violation of local, state, federal, or international laws.

• Promote violence, hate speech, discrimination, or criminal behavior.

• Facilitate harassment, cyberbullying, doxxing, or threats against individuals or organizations.

• Engage in fraudulent schemes, scams, or financial deception.

Violations of this policy may result in account termination, reporting to legal authorities, and potential civil or criminal liability.

You agree to comply with these rules by accessing and using the website. The Company reserves the right to suspend or ban any user who engages in prohibited conduct without prior notice.

8. DISCLAIMERS & LIMITATION OF LIABILITY

8.1 No Responsibility for Reliance on Satirical Content

The website’s content is satirical and is not intended to be taken as factual news or actual events. By using this Website, you acknowledge and agree that articles, stories, and commentary published here are only for entertainment and humor. The Company makes no representations about the truthfulness, accuracy, or reliability of any content on this Website. The Company is not responsible for any actions taken by users who misinterpret or rely on the content as factual reporting.

Readers should verify real-world news from credible sources before making decisions based on any information presented on this Website.

8.2 No Warranty of Website Availability or Accuracy

The Company provides this Website “as is” and “as available” without any warranties, express or implied. This means no guarantee that the Website will always be available, uninterrupted, or free from errors or security breaches, no warranty that the content, articles, or advertisements displayed on the Website are complete, accurate, or up to date. The Company reserves the right to modify, remove, or update content without prior notice.

Users access this Website at their own risk, and the Company is not liable for any issues resulting from technical failures, maintenance, or temporary downtime.

8.3 Limitation of Liability for Damages

To the fullest extent permitted by law, News Cosmos, LLC and its affiliates, directors, officers, employees, and agents shall not be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, consequential, special, or punitive damages arising from use of, or inability to use, the Website, misinterpretation of satirical content as factual information, technical errors, security breaches, or unauthorized access to user accounts, and loss of data, revenue, profits, or personal information due to third-party activities. In jurisdictions where limitations of liability are restricted, the Company’s liability shall be limited to the maximum extent permitted by law.

By continuing to use this Website, you acknowledge that you assume all risks associated with its use and agree to hold the Company harmless from any claims or damages.

9. INDEMNIFICATION

By using the website, you agree to take full responsibility for your actions, including any content you post, comments you make, or interactions you engage in while on this Website. You acknowledge that you are solely responsible for any legal, financial, or reputational consequences resulting from your use of the Website, and you agree not to hold News Cosmos, LLC liable for any disputes, claims, or damages arising from your activities on the Website. If you violate these Terms of Use, the Company reserves the right to take necessary action, including but not limited to removing content, suspending your account, or reporting violations to authorities.

You agree to indemnify, defend, and hold harmless News Cosmos, LLC, its affiliates, directors, officers, employees, and agents from and against any claims, damages, liabilities, losses, costs, or expenses (including legal fees) that arise from your violation of these Terms of Use, your misuse of the Website, including posting prohibited content or engaging in illegal activities, any third-party claims related to your submitted content, comments, or actions on the Website, and your infringement of any third-party rights, including copyright, trademark, privacy, or publicity rights.

The Company reserves the right to assume the exclusive defense and control of any matter subject to indemnification at your expense, and you agree to cooperate fully with such defense. This indemnification obligation shall survive the termination of your use of the Website.

10. GOVERNING LAW & DISPUTE RESOLUTION

These Terms of Use shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the State of Oregon, without regard to its conflict of laws principles. Any legal disputes, claims, or actions arising from or related to your use of the website shall be subject to the jurisdiction of the state and federal courts located in Oregon. If any provision of these Terms is unenforceable, the remaining provisions shall remain in full force and effect.

In the event of a dispute between you and News Cosmos, LLC, both parties agree to resolve the matter through the following process:

Good-Faith Negotiation – Both parties shall first attempt to resolve the dispute informally by engaging in good-faith discussions.

Mediation—If the dispute cannot be resolved informally, both parties agree to participate in non-binding mediation with a neutral mediator, who will be selected mutually.

Binding Arbitration—If mediation fails, the dispute will be resolved through binding arbitration in accordance with the rules of the American Arbitration Association (AAA) or another mutually agreed-upon arbitration provider. Arbitration will take place in Oregon, and the arbitrator’s decision will be final and binding, with no right to appeal. Each party will bear its own legal fees and arbitration costs unless otherwise determined by the arbitrator.

By agreeing to these Terms, you waive your right to file a lawsuit in court (except for small claims matters) and agree to resolve disputes through arbitration.

11. MODIFICATIONS TO THE WEBSITE

News Cosmos, LLC reserves the right to modify, update, remove, or discontinue any website content, feature, or functionality at any time without prior notice. Articles, images, comments, and other Website content may be edited, replaced, or removed at the Company’s sole discretion. The Company is not required to notify users before making content updates or modifications. Content may be removed for legal, editorial, or operational reasons, including but not limited to compliance with new laws or regulations, removal of outdated, inaccurate, or misleading material, and responding to copyright claims, defamation concerns, or policy violations.

The Company is not obligated to maintain or continue offering any particular feature, service, or function of the Website. Features like comments, user accounts, advertisements, newsletters, or third-party integrations may be modified, restricted, or discontinued. Users are not entitled to compensation or refunds for any changes affecting their website use.

By using the website, you acknowledge that the Website is subject to ongoing development and modifications and that your continued use constitutes acceptance of any changes.

12. TERMINATION OF ACCESS

News Cosmos, LLC reserves the right to suspend or terminate your access to the website at its sole discretion, without prior notice, for any of the following reasons:

• Violation of these Terms of Use, including prohibited conduct or misuse of the Website.

• Posting or sharing content that violates intellectual property rights, contains hate speech, promotes illegal activities, or otherwise breaches the Website’s policies.

• Attempts to hack, disrupt, or compromise Website security or functionality.

• Failure to comply with legal obligations, including applicable laws and regulations.

• Abuse or harassment toward the Website’s administrators, moderators, or other users.

• At the Company’s discretion, for any other reason deemed necessary to protect the website’s integrity.

If your account or access is terminated, you can no longer log in, submit content, or interact with the Website. Any posted comments, uploaded content, or account information may be deleted at the Company’s discretion. You will not be entitled to any refunds, compensation, or reinstatement of access. Termination does not absolve you of any legal responsibilities for prior violations or misconduct.

The Company reserves the right to pursue legal action against individuals who engage in unlawful or damaging activities related to this Website.

13. CONTACT INFORMATION

If you have any questions, concerns, or requests related to these Terms of Use, you may contact us at:

Email: admin@theperineal.com

Mailing Address: 425 NW 10TH AVE STE 200, PORTLAND, OR 97209, USA

We strive to respond to inquiries promptly; however, we are not obligated to provide individualized support beyond the scope of these Terms.