WASHINGTON D.C. – With Biden’s memory issues having spread to the rest of the Democratic Party, Democratic leaders are at a complete loss as to who they are, what they support, and why they’re even here. In the face of Trump’s growing power and Elon Musk’s unchecked influence, they are now urgently searching for someone, anyone, who can actually do something about it.
“Trump has overreached his executive powers. Our democratic freedoms are at risk!” shouted concerned Americans.
“We hear you. We see you. We feel you. We are actively searching for someone who can do something,” responded elected Democratic leaders, nodding solemnly before checking their phones for guidance. Although they have held multiple branches of government in recent years and accomplished many things, Democrats are uncertain about how they achieved these successes. Members of Congress have resorted to holding paddles in protest of Trump’s actions, hoping it’ll jog their memory.
Desperate for answers, party leaders have begun frantically flipping through old legislative records, searching for clues about what they once stood for. Some recall something about “price gouging” and “equal rights,” but no one can quite remember the details. To get back on track, they have scheduled emergency strategy sessions, which primarily consist of using an Ouija board to call upon ghosts of past Democratic leaders. However, after several unfortunate incidents of possession by Republican figures, they are now looking for alternative solutions.
Recently, remaining members had made their way to Capitol Hill in hopes of finding the Bill from Schoolhouse Rock, who seemed to know a lot more about the American government than they did.
